The first place we went to was The Jug Handle, a huge bar that ironically enough does not require the use of a jug handle for getting into. First impressions of the Jug Handle were pretty great because they had chickens running around in the parking lot and who doesn’t love chickens running around stuff? So after about an hour or so of playing with the chickens, we decided to go in and order some wings. The Jug Handle has a really good selection of wings at a moderate price point. You can get Mild, Medium, or Hot wings at $6.95 for 10/$12.90 for 20, or you can get Garlic, BBQ, Honey, Honey BBQ, Hot Honey, Extra Hot, Buffalo Garlic, or Bald Eagle wings at $7.60 for 10/$14.20 for 20. One thing I’d like to point out here is that none of these wings come with celery or bleu cheese. You have to pay an extra $.55 for either one, so it’d be $1.10 for both celery and bleu cheese, which I think is stupid, plus you only get four pieces of celery and a really dinky cup of bleu cheese. But anyway, so Sean ordered the Hot, Nick ordered the Buffalo Garlic, our buddy Jim got the Hot Honey, and I ordered the Bald Eagle wings, which upon ordering, our waitress asked me if I’d ever had them before, and I said no. She then proceeded to tell me that they were extremely hot, but being the know-it-all type guy I am, I figured that she was exaggerating and I went ahead with my order.
Our wings come out and they are big and meaty looking; the flats still having their lil wing tips attached. Though slightly breaded, these wings are in no way soggy, in fact, these were unanimously voted as the best cooked wings we’ve had so far on the quest. They’re a super crispy, golden brown on the outside and way juicy and tender on the inside; you don’t know wing perfection until you’ve tried the Jug Handle’s wings. That being said, let’s move on to the sauces. Sean’s Hot wings were anything but. Having little to no heat, but an alright altogether flavor, the Hot wings left Sean mildly unimpressed. Nick’s Buffalo Garlic wings were a step up in flavor as they were dripping with buttery-garlic goodness that really complimented the quality of the wings. And though there wasn’t any taste resembling Buffalo to be found, these were still really great. Jim’s Hot Honey wings followed the trend of things claiming to be hot and then not being hot at all, but still being retardedly tasty. Not too sweet, and not too rich or overwhelming, the Hot Honey wings were arguably the table favorites.
Hot and Buffalo Garlic |
Bald Eagle |
Me trying not to cry. |
Sauce – 7.75
Price – 7.63
Overall – 8.3
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The next stop on our wing tour of New Jersey was at Whistler’s Inn, a large bar/restaurant with no chickens running around and whose menu was essentially the same as the Jug Handle’s, with good reason. We learned from our waitress that Whistler’s used to own the Jug Handle, hence the similarities in their wing options. For some reason though, Whistler’s wings were more pricey. Mild, Medium, and Hot were 10 for $7.45/20 for $13.45 and Garlic, BBQ, Honey, Extra Hot, and Bald Eagle were 10 for $7.95/20 for $14.45. A tiny tub of bleu cheese will set you back an extra $.50, and if you want celery, carrots, and bleu cheese, you’re looking
at another $2.00 (!?). I was so upset about this that I actually asked the waitress why they charged so much, and she said that when they included the celery and bleu cheese that people would sometimes not eat them and they would go to waste, to which I replied something like, “Well those assholes should just ask for no celery and bleu cheese.” I wasn’t altogether worried about having spit in my food, but it did cross my mind.
So we order our food, Sean the BBQ, Nick the Garlic, Jim the Honey, and I the Hot. Our food comes to us served on Styrofoam plates, a style foreign to all of us, but to which Jim referred to as “Hospital” style. We were also brought regular plates for our bones, or as I so dumbly called them, our “used wings” (it was a long day, give me a break), which doesn’t make much sense considering most people find it way more pleasant to eat off of a plate like a human being than a Styrofoam rectangle. The wings being almost the same style as the Jug Handle’s, came out extremely overcooked. Sean’s BBQ wings seemed to be the only ones that were
cooked okay. The BBQ had a nice tang to it according to Sean and he seemed to enjoy them just fine. The Hot wings were terrible and had little flavor and zero heat. They tasted like they were just covered in their own fat juices with maybe, just maybe, a drop of Frank’s added. The Garlic wings were just “ehh” according to Nick who said that the sauce tasted like old butter with some garlic sprinkled in. Jim said that his Honey wings were sweet, but had an overall greasy consistency.
Overpriced and overcooked, these wings just could not hack it. The sauces were too bland and the wings could not carry them. In the case of Whistler’s Inn, the student (Jug Handle), has exceeded the teacher in almost every way.
Wing – 5.875
Sauce – 5.875
Price – 5.25
Overall – 5.6
Reviews by Tom Kaericher