Miller's Ale House

The building that currently exists as Miller’s Ale House, located on the BLVD in Northeast Philadelphia, is something of a Boulevard staple, but only in the sense that over the years, that same building has housed, in all its incarnations, many a failed restaurant. The fact that Miller’s has lasted for the few years it has is something to be admired, though it’s not necessarily something I’d chalk up to the actual merit of the establishment. Miller’s has the same hokey corporate feel shared by the likes of a TGI Fridays or Applebee’s. Kitschy shit on the walls, colorful menus, and snappy buzz names for their appetizers (see: Zingers). Not that any of the above make a restaurant inherently bad (Fado is a corporate franchise and they have some of the best wings we’ve eaten so far), but I mention these things to give a point of reference as to the kind of place we’re dealing with.


First off, Miller’s offers a good amount of sauces for their wings; there’s Mild, Hot, Mt. St. Helens, Honey Mustard, Sweet Thai Chili, Garlic, and BBQ. Their wings are priced at 10 for $8 or 20 for $14. Nick, feeling not as hungry as Sean and myself, ordered ten of the Garlic. Sean ordered twenty, but broke up his order in two and got ten Mt. St. Helens and ten Honey Mustard. I pulled a Sean, but got ten Mt St. Helens and ten Sweet Thai Chili.


When our orders arrived, Nick got his one plate of Garlic, I received two separate plates containing my orders respectively, and Sean got one big plate of wings. Somehow, our server was under the impression that Sean wanted his two sauces to be combined into one disgusting Frankenstein sauce, but managed to separate my order which was identical to his. So Sean now had the pleasure of reviewing a new specialty wing sauce, The Mt. St. Helen’s Honey Mustard Good Feeling Jamboree. Order them just like that if you’re man enough… Also, to our surprise, Miller’s wings are breaded; a big gross, albeit matter-of-opinion, no-no for us Wing Questers. The breading soaks up all the sauce, making for a soggy and altogether unpleasant texture for the wings. It just seems like an unnecessary culinary add-on to something that is already perfect in its simplicity.


Texture aside, the sauces themselves were pretty unimpressive. You could tell that some of the sauces were straight out of the bottle and not a whole lot of effort went into them. Nick’s Garlic wings were good as far as Garlic wings go and were the only wings that benefitted from the breading, as the bread soaked up all the butter and garlic (usually the sauce drips right off of the wings and there’s barely any flavor left). But, at the same time, the Garlic wings absorption of all the butter and spices made them too rich in flavor and difficult to consume all ten of them. The Mt. St. Helens sauce is touted as being “OMG hot” by our server, which intrigued me. However, these wings were more LOL than OMG. Get it? The Mt. St. Helens wings, though spicy, didn't have enough flavor within the spice to make them enjoyable, and we’ve definitely had hotter wings than these on the Quest so far.

MT. St. Helens

The Sweet Thai Chili wings were probably the best on the table, though the sauce seemed to be straight out of a store-bought bottle. The Sweet Thai shined through mainly because the sauce itself was so thick that the breaded wings couldn't absorb it, leaving the wings crispy. Sean’s sauce-combo’d wings were by far the worst. I don’t really feel the need to explain to you what a mixture of Honey Mustard and Hot sauce tastes like, let alone the effects of having to consume twenty wings coated in said sauce. My heart went out to Sean that night.

Thai Chili

Overall the wings were big, meaty, and cooked well despite the breading, which I’m sure, some people actually like. It’s the texture of the soggy breading and the lackluster sauces that killed Miller’s for us, not to mention the screw up with Sean’s wings. It’s interesting to me that Sean even said, before we entered Miller’s, that every time he’d been in there, his order got messed up, and he just happened to be the only one who had his ordered misinterpreted. I think it’s only fair that I mention his nickname for Miller’s Ale House; “Miller’s Fail House”. All things considered, I think it’s pretty fitting of our time there.

Sean says "Try the combo sauce, it's finger drippin' good!"

Wing: 5.3


Sauce: 5.5


Price: 6.5


Overall: 5.7


Review by Tom Kaericher